Everyone’s a little bit racist

Life

Today is the first day of October, which also means it is the first day of Black History Month. A few years ago if I’d been asked when Black History Month was, I’d have had no idea, and I’d have felt awful about that. Now, I know that it’s daft to feel awful for being unaware – me feeling bad won’t help anyone after all. I’m accepting the fact that I am full of unconscious bias of all kinds, and the best way to move forward from that is to make sure that I’m consciously becoming more aware.

One of the triggers for this realisation was taking this test, and secretly hoping (as most people do) that it would tell me I am perfectly balanced and not at all racist.

It did not.

For the record, it didn’t tell me that I’m super-mega-racist. Just that I have a minor bias. And while that’s obviously not great, it’s also the truth, so rather than bluntly insisting that I’m not racist, I’ve realised it’s time to get to grips with where my bias lies, and make sure I’m better educated. It’s not limited to race either – I know I need to learn more about all kinds of things which I’ve previously not seen, because I’ve not had to.

The fact is, it would be really easy to decide that the test was wrong, to insist that I’m a progressive and tolerant person with a broad worldview and lots of diverse experience. As far as I can tell though, that might be a big part of the problem. You can’t just deny an unconscious part of yourself, all you can do is try to consciously change it. I probably (definitely) have a long way to go in terms of adjusting my viewpoint, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.

Cheese and Musicals

Food, Life, Music

Today I made ricotta, and I’m very proud. It looks horrible, but I have great hopes for once it has sat for a while in its little basket.

I have been in a bit of a slump over the summer, creatively. I had that weekend where I made a blanket and two cushions and a collage of Leeds (ish), and I optimistically resolved myself to doing more creative things. Naturally I then followed this up with very little.

The last couple of weeks have changed that somewhat, with the return of our work Baking League and a spontaneous candle-making session a few weekends ago. Here are some of my recent achievements:

breakfast cake candles cheese cupcake cupcakes

As ever, my achievements are largely food-based.

I call this post cheese and musicals, because as I write I’m catching up on Elaine Paige on Sunday, and it feels like the time of year to remind everyone that musicals exist. Going into a new term means new student theatre (a continued high-point of my life), a new season at Opera North, and generally lots of musical fun. To capitalise on this I bought some “light up fountain speakers” yesterday, which are already a fantastic purchase. Very little can improve on Elaine Paige’s laugh, but watching a fountain chuckle is an improvement.

Things I am afraid of

Fun, Life

I wrote this title in 2014, somehow thinking it might be engaging reading.

And it will be, so here goes…

  1. The dark.
    I keep thinking I might get over it, but no. I run through my house once the lights are off.
  2. Scorpions.
    Again, something to get over what with living in a country with no scorpions, but I still check the end of my bed about once a week in case a scorpion has snuck in.
  3. Fireworks.
    They are just explosives. Why does anyone like them.
  4. The future.
    Just like everyone else.
  5. Falling off high-up paths.
    I’m not on high-up paths very often, but the second I’m anywhere near an edge I become convinced I’m going to fall to my death.
  6. Losing my keys.
    Constantly convinced that they’ve vanished. It wouldn’t even be much of an issue if I did, but there we are.
  7. Scary films/stories.
    Because I can’t convince myself that they aren’t all real.
  8. Zombies.
    Because they are definitely real.

Thinky things

Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about thinking lately, a habit at least partially inspired by a sparkly friend of mine who writes over at shortsparkle.

Since writing about privilege, and politics (twice), I’ve been deep back into the issue of perception. Then today, while walking home in the dark, something struck me. Or rather, a nice man wandered past me, and as he did so he complimented me on my cardigan.

This was a turning point for me because I’d been reading Rose Hackman’s article (which has been widely circulated today) on whether or not straight, white men are getting a rough deal. Then a nice man complimented me, and I realised that I’d been scared of him up to that point. But not the girl walking in front of me, equally likely to be a homicidal maniac. Or maybe not equally likely, but this isn’t about statistics guys, it’s about perception.

I had been unconsciously judging this guy on his gender, and I’d been doing that because that’s how I’ve been taught. It’s not wrong per se, because the teaching came from a good place of encouraging my personal safety. The sexist overtone is a sad byproduct. This is the same argument which many of the men in Hackman’s article were using – having been taught to open the door for ladies as a kind of politeness is now coming back to them with feminist rants galore – when they are really only acting in the way they believe to be the right way.

To extend this further, I think I’ve intimated before that privilege is not needing to care about the impact of another person’s history upon them. It is ignorant and privileged for me to state, for example, that racism isn’t a problem any longer because people of all backgrounds can get any job and slavery is over. I understand that a way of combating that therefore might be to ask me, as a white person, to apologise for slavery and the lasting impact it has had on minority ethnic people.

In Hackman’s article, this same argument is used. That straight, white men feel silenced because they are expected to be accountable for the actions which were taken by their forebears, even though they weren’t complicit in those actions, and “didn’t choose to be straight, white and male”.

So here’s where the intersection lies.

You don’t get to deny your status as privileged just because you didn’t ask for it. But you do get to not be attacked for it. You don’t have to apologise for things you were not complicit in – but you do have to acknowledge that those things have changed the playing field. You do get to ask how you can best help to level that field again, and you have the right to not immediately know those answers.

Privilege is a question of perspective. And really, privilege isn’t the issue here any longer. Education (as usual) is the issue. If you’re in a position to teach someone to have a more equal view of the world, then do it. If you feel you’re lacking in that view, then ask for it to be shared with you. Privilege does not preclude the ability to learn and improve. Only ignorance does that.

Let me also note the alternate take-home message for the day, which is that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, because anyone walking by you in the dark might be a murderer, not just the men.

A Further Treatise on Words ‘n Stuff

Language, Rant

So a couple of weeks ago I wrote about linguistics and politics and how people are really bad at them right now.

Turns out it’s happening again. Or this was always happening. I’m inclined towards the latter, but anyway.

Today I’d like to have a rant about the principle arbitrators of sins against the English language, that vast community of people who insist on using it incorrectly day after day, the Americans. And let’s start by clarifying that though I am grouping the subject of my rant under the banner of “Americans” I do not mean all Americans, nor do I mean this is only an issue of Americans. It’s just that guys, right now, you’re kinda the worst.

At this point let me also acknowledge that this is absolute armchair activism. But then I know there’s nothing I can do about the situation in the States anyway, because despite their perpetual need to stick their nose into the affairs of others, the American public in general is absolutely not responsive to any commentary made by a non-American. Unless they are funny. Or Nigel Farage. Go figure.

The misuse of words which I take issue with today are some of the best-known words from the “Star-Spangled Banner”, possibly my least favourite national anthem ever. The words I take issue with are

“O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave”

I think the reasons why I take issue with these words are immediately apparent. It’s two words in particular. I’ll take them one by one.

Free
We all know that the American populace are some of the least free people in the world, so lets just set that to one side for now.

One of the oft-cited rights of all American citizens is freedom of speech. It is what gives Donald Trump the right to spew his relentless idiocy across as many channels as he can pay for, and it’s what gives insane gun lobbyists the right to be heard.

But Colin Kaepernick, he can’t even make his point through silence without an immediate backlash.

In case you’re not up to date, Kaepernick is the Quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, and he has been all over the news lately for choosing to sit through the national anthem before his football games. He is doing so to protest the oppression of black people in the US.

And he’s free to do so, right? That’s a thing he’s allowed to do, because he’s a US citizen, so he can say and do what he likes so long as it’s not causing direct harm to others. I’m pretty sure those are the rules.

Brave
So looking at the above, you’d maybe say, “dunno what your problem is, there’s a brave American making use of his freedom. Just because he’s doing so by explicitly choosing to not sing those actual words doesn’t mean he isn’t free and brave”

And you, friend, would be right. Except that no-one seems to think he’s being brave. They just think he’s offending all of the brave souls that have gone out and died in the name of US freedom and bravery (and I have some views on the armed forces but we’ll get to that another time).

Some of the brave souls who have taken it upon themselves to serve the American people in maintaining their freedom (ostensibly) are the police force. Kaepernick’s protest is directed quite squarely at them, and so naturally they aren’t dead happy, but of course they are brave Americans and they recognise that the views of a single person shown through silent protest aren’t a threat, they are just airing their freedom.

Ah no. Wrong again. Because earlier today the good folks of the Santa Clara police stated that they will not send around 70 officers to work at 49ers games, because Kaepernick wore some socks with pigs in police hats, and now their pride is really bruised.

 

I’m sure it’s evident from my tone at this point that I take a very dim view of the reaction by the police force. It’s not exclusively because of their almost wilful ignorance of the true meanings of the words free and brave. I have issues aplenty to be frank. But for now, lets focus on the following ideas;

– A brave individual speaks out against an institution he believes is oppressive
– He is free to do so
– The institution in question are mandated to uphold freedom and safety of citizens
– They have chosen to do so, and are paid to do so
– Members of this institution choose to threaten the safety of the citizens, in order to protect their own pride
– The citizens choose to believe it is the brave, free individual who is threatening their safety

What are his threatening actions? Choosing not to sing the words “free” and “brave”.

 

Oh, and wearing a pair of socks.
If you need to attack someone for wearing a pair of socks, it really suggests you’ve got issues.

When I grow up

Life, Work

The great thing about not being a student any more, is that I can do what I like with my spare time. Where I used to spend my extra hours reading, or writing my thesis, or hating everything and guilt eating to try and distract myself, now I spend hours and hours playing computer games and that’s totally fine, because I’m a grown up.

Today I made candles.

I’m not really sure what all of that means, because I had a lot of visions of what I would be when I grew up, but none of them involved coffee, ripped jeans, Skyrim, 30 Rock, and incense, which have been the main themes of today. I wanted to be a doctor, and own a shop, and paint. Then when I got older I wanted to be a traveller, and a writer. Now, I think I might want to learn loads about charity governance and manage a team of people. At any rate, I’m not quite there with what being a grown up means to me.

I also get the impression that very few people do. We go through childhood revering adults as these amazing beings who have life totally figured out, and at times I trick myself into thinking that my friends and colleagues are like that. And maybe some of them are, but the majority still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up, and like me, will spend a day eating sweets for lunch and not wearing a bra whenever they can get away with it.

There isn’t really a point to this except to share that it’s fine (I think) to not know exactly how you want to be when you’re grown up.

Though one thing I do know is that when I grow up, I’m going to arrange to go see Matilda (finally).

Politics, Linguistics, and the Logical Fallacy

Language, Life, Rant

Isn’t it interesting how prevalent it has become to read a word or phrase which has the connotation of “all”, and instead misinterpret it as meaning “only”?

On an almost daily basis now, there is a story popping up in the news which features people doing this, which aside from anything makes you question the global education system (which is another rant for another time). The two most common occurrences are the following;-

Black Lives Matter (which apparently reads only black lives matter)

Feminism (which apparently reads only women deserve fair treatment)

It’s easy to say that this is symptomatic of the commentators. If you’re a white cis male then you’re obviously going to feel threatened by statements which aren’t inclusive of you. In a world of refusal to recognise privilege, all claims referring to a specific group will be immediately thrown out as ‘not truly inclusive’. But it’s not only those who don’t conform to the noted criteria who are getting in on the act.

There are a new wave of women who refuse to associate themselves with the word feminist, or feminism, because they feel that it doesn’t represent their values. In turn, they are berated by women who do see themselves as feminists, for not recognising the struggle of women through history or for not recognising the struggle of women today in different circumstances than those of the privileged (blog-writing) west.

It’s no wonder really that there are a third group of women, and non-gender conforming individuals, and men, looking on in horror at the whole mess. I can state unequivocally that from my position here in group 3, I’m struggling to know how to identify. Yes, I want equality between genders. Yes, I feel that historically women have lacked rights which men have been privy to. But that also doesn’t mean that I’m only fighting for that equality for women, and the word feminist is incredibly toxic, in a linguistic sense, because it evokes that.

There’s a similar issue with black lives matter. This time typed without capitals, because to begin with, it’s key to distinguish between the activist organisation, who do engage in activities which many don’t condone, and the plain English phrase.

Firstly, the phrase, and it’s constant rebuttal that “all lives matter”. Well yes, and who said they didn’t? You’re reading it wrong, and inserting an “only” on the front where it doesn’t exist or belong. The internet has plenty of great cartoons explaining the difference between “only black lives matter” and “black lives matter as well” so I won’t labour the point here.

Secondly, it’s all too common that people read “black lives matter” and hear “white lives don’t”. Which is an interesting one, because we live in a stunningly multicultural and multicoloured world, and yet western mass media still manages to whitewash all race issues.

The list goes on. Some gay men carrying HIV is read as both all gay men and only gay men. Of course there’s always the favourite of all Muslims are terrorists, and all terrorists are Muslim – two very different opinions, neither of which are correct. And onwards to the milder, but still harmful, views such as bisexuality equalling indecisiveness or greed, and mental illness meaning lack of competence.

In the end it’s all words and interpretations, mixed up with misjudged perspectives and delusional world-views. The big problem is, it is alienating the masses (my group 3 from above) who genuinely do want a better world all round but who can’t find the words to express that solidarity without fear of antagonising others. Language has power, and right now that power is being abused.

Keep Fit

Fun, Life

I caved and bought a fitness tracker, and I have to admit, I’m hooked. It’s a Jawbone Up2 (no affiliate links because really, why) and it tells me how I slept and how many steps I took. Which sounds pretty minor, but the interface of the app is lovely, and it’s just a pretty wristband.

When I was looking, I wanted something which would help keep me aware of my movement. I used to track calories and workouts and such, and it was a good thing to do, but such bandwagons are so easy to fall off when you have to actively engage with them.

Then I let my phone track my steps for me, before discovering that

a) after a few weeks of me not looking the app it just switched itself off
b) I really don’t carry my phone everywhere (contrary to popular belief)

So in the end I decided a wearable tracker was the way to go.

The next step is obviously looking at what’s on the market and oh my word, there is so much. I like the idea of a fitbit but fundamentally hate the name, and I wanted to avoid something which gave me updates on everything (messages and calls etc). Just whether or not I’m walking enough is fine.

I had almost settled on a Misfit Shine when the reviews suggested I’d immediately lose it, and simultaneously I saw that the Up2 was on offer. No contest.

It’s been about a month now, and I’m very happy. I’ve learnt that I can take 10,000 steps a day with a little effort, and so I might look to increase that soon. I’ve learnt that I don’t sleep nearly as badly as I thought I did. And I’ve learnt that if you wear an innocuous thing on your wrist, which occasionally buzzes to tell you to get away from your computer, you can actually feel healthier than ever.

Scepticism

Fun, Life, Travel

This weekend I went to Norfolk for my friend’s hen party (affectionately renamed the shark party because sharks are just better than hens). Many things occurred, but that’s not the point of this post.

The weekend involved two long drives (3+ hours each) which are no fun if you don’t have something good to do with yourself. That being the case, I looked on my podcast app for something interesting, and decided that the Skeptics Guide to the Universe sounded right up my street. I was right. It’s fabulous. Anyone with a broad interest in science and critical thinking should head straight over there because I was totally hooked (for about 8 hours total).

In particular, I enjoyed an episode I listened to which addressed natural remedies. As a person who is *constantly* ill, I’m always having people tell me to try this that or the other, herbalism, acupuncture, you name it.

I’ll give anything a go, to be honest, but I draw the line at practitioners who imply that their trade is somehow equivalent, or even superior, to medicine. There are undoubted benefits to a lot of interesting practices and remedies, but the ones which are the most effective are the ones which have stopped being home remedies – and become proven medical solutions.

That is just one of the many exciting things which they discuss, and it is going to be my go-to podcast going forward.

And I had a nice weekend too.

Journalling

Fun, Life

Let me be the first to admit that recording my life is not a forté. Take this blog – on and off upkeep for the last 6 years, but with really tremendous gaps (like the entire 3 months I spent in Spain – great work past-me). I also cannot take photos for the life of me, by which I mean that I forget most of the time, and when I remember to take a photo, it’s normally shocking and unrecognisable.

Coincidentally to the above, I recently found out that one of my managers (I have a lot) has read/is reading my blog, and so now I’m writing for a target audience of my Grandma, my Mum, and my boss.

Said manager is the first person who mentioned bullet journalling to me, and said she thought I’d really like it. I was sceptical. Then I looked it up. And fell in love with the concept. It’s simple really. A combination of to-do lists and journalling which equates to a very brief overview of your day-to-day life, while also being practical. At least, that’s the concept. Unfortunately for me, the internet went and got involved, setting insanely high standards. Search for bullet journal on Instagram if you don’t believe me.

Regardless, I’ve pushed on with it, and my first day of bullet-journalling begins tomorrow. Here are my first few pages:

index
Index (plus stork from my adult colouring book because apparently I’m that person now)
future log
Future Log (complete with child-like writing)
big month
Big month

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll let you know how it goes (probably) and whether or not it ends up just being another fad (almost definitely).