The blog has been a bit intense recently, so for today I’m going to just leave you with the knowledge that I’m once again crafting. I won’t tell you what this is right now, but here is a picture of a paper-maché thing. All will be revealed later.
You’re welcome.
I was sad to see that Robin Williams died over the night, apparently due to suicide. It is a terrible thing if a person feels that suicide is their only way out, and I’m attaching a list of crisis lines because these are things people should know exist, and should share profusely.
What I found more saddening than the news, however, was how many people on my Facebook feed were talking about it. I’m going to try and explain why that makes me sad but it’s a bit complicated, so bear with.
Firstly, everyone has the right to emotional priorities. Death is a powerfully sad thing, and when someone dies it is natural to respond. My expectation is that your emotional priorities firstly extend to your family, and then friends, then acquaintances, then celebrities, individuals whose death is highlighted by the media, and then the rest of the world. Reactions will be different across your emotional priorities, naturally.
Now, I worry about this as a format for priorities, because I know my own is fundamentally different. I am constantly preoccupied recently by news of death and destruction around the world, from the atrocities still being committed by the regime in Syria to the Ebola epidemic which is sweeping across West Africa. I am more sad about a disproportionate loss of life, particularly when being enacted by other people (read: I hate ISIS) than I am about the death of Robin Williams. He was a great man, but what about the children being killed daily? One of them might have been the next great comedy actor, but not now.
This is where it gets particularly tricky. So I am sad about the death of thousands of people across the world in conditions they should not be under. I am also sad about the death of a wonderful actor and charming man. Now let’s hit the social media side of this situation. In the last few hours, the majority of updates on my Facebook news feed have been lamenting the loss of Robin Williams. In the last few months I have sporadically seen outcry against the death toll in Gaza, or the humanitarian crisis in Iraq.
To repeat. The majority of updates today = Robin Williams. Sporadic outcry on the killing of thousands.
So this is the crux of my issue. People act as if the death of Robin Williams is the most terrible thing to have rocked their world in years, but it’s not. That is just a social media facade that they are choosing to display. I shudder to say this, but earlier this year Katie Hopkins (who is an absolute troll, and I shall not give her the exposure of linking to the article) wrote a piece explaining why she hadn’t come out on social media lamenting the death of Peaches Geldof, who had been her sparring partner in a debate a few months earlier. Her reasoning was, Peaches’ death was a tragedy that her family had to overcome. A media circus would not help that.
Posting about the loss of Robin Williams is not meaningful. Your feeling of loss may be real, but it is personal. I am almost certain that most of us would not go to Facebook on hearing of the loss of a loved one, so why is your personal sentiment about a celebrity different? On the other hand, raising awareness of disasters around the world is meaningful. Getting people to lobby the government to provide aid or other help is valuable. Yet people still emotionally prioritise an actor over a whole community.
So I think what I am saying is, mortality is something which affects us all, and everyone has their own emotional reaction to it. Next time a celebrity dies, be sad, if that is your reaction. There is nothing more you can do. But if you see that people are dying and you can do something, please do. Below are a few links to get you started. One man dying is not of less value than any other, and the death of Robin Williams is a tragedy. But if we can prevent death, then that is inherently more valuable. And it’s a more valuable use of your Facebook status as well.
Hand in Hand for Syria – www.handinhandforsyria.org.uk
Christian Aid Iraq Crisis Appeal – www.christianaid.org.uk/emergencies/current/iraq-crisis-appeal
MAP Appeal – www.map-uk.org
Oxfam Crisis in South Sudan – www.oxfam.org/en/emergencies/southsudan
An Addition: Having published this post, I then had some great conversations with people who shared their views, and there were two bits I felt really express the one thing I’ve not covered, which is why Robin Williams is deserving of the press he is being given (when it is thoughtful and genuine). As one of my friends rightly put, “he was such a childhood figure. It’s a very big shock to any sense of childhood innocence and I can understand why people would feel the need to express that.” A second then summed it up beautifully: “[I maintain] the stance that people should keep posting photos and statuses and videos if they so wish, so long as it is tasteful and tactful, and if it raises more awareness about mental health then that is a wholly positive outtake on an otherwise dire situation”. So, thanks friends!
…to see the world, and what did we see? We saw the sea.
Just a quick one today before I head to work. What is with people not thinking certain travel is interesting or fun? My lovely Mum used to sing us the above song when we were little, and to be honest I somewhat understand the frustration of planning to see the world and then just seeing water. Especially if you are on a boat. And get hideous motion sickness like I do.
But other than that isolated case, travel is good, and fun, and always interesting. This morning on the way back from the gym I heard a radio advert for something or other, in which they made out that getting a free trip to Siberia wasn’t a great prize. What? That is an amazing prize! Frankly, a free trip to anywhere is amazing, because everywhere has a history, a geography and a culture. Travel is only boring when you don’t allow yourself to have fun and discover new things.
Ok, I’m already sorry. I slightly hate the phrase “check your privilege”. It’s used so frequently on the internet in entirely the wrong contexts.
That being said, I’ve noticed this article being bandied around several times recently. It’s called “18 Things Females Seem To Not Understand (Because, Female Privilege)” which admittedly is a poor place to start – I can’t think of a better way to rile up the feminists of the internet than be referring to my entire sex as “females” (regardless of how accurate that may be). It was followed up by this article, entitled “18 Reasons Why The Concept Of “Female Privilege” Is Insane”.
Now, let me be entirely controversial. I agree with both pieces.
The first lists a range of things which the writer considers to be “female privilege”, and honestly, they are. Just because many of them have counterpoints which highlight why feminism is still a just and worthy cause, doesn’t mean that any woman shouldn’t check her privilege *shudder* when using any of these points to justify herself in a given situation. The counter-argument article is just listing those valid counterpoints, not really challenging whether or not the original ideas are examples of female privilege.
Here’s what it comes down to. These are two lists which catalogue either stereotypes, or sad statistics. It is a terrible thing that we live in a world where so many women are subject to rape. It’s also terrible that so many men are denied access to their children due to a system which assumes that a mother is a more suitable guardian. It is deplorable that women who get drunk and have sex are automatically branded as ‘sluts’, and it’s as bad that men in the same position are branded ‘rapists’. None of these things are an excuse for the rampant misogyny and misandry which invariably follows.
I think it is fair to say that if these two articles highlight anything, it’s that in a modern world where we can be discursive and challenge issues related to gender inequality, we should all be checking our privilege all of the time.
Every time a stereotype is bandied around by an internet activist they need to check their internet activist privilege – because if anything we should be recognising that for every stereotype and every statistic there will be a valid counterpoint. Those of us lucky enough to sit around spouting our views on the internet are almost always the people who have the western, developed world privilege of living in a society where individuals are being recognised as individuals, not confined to exclusivist views related to their race, gender, sexuality and religion. So let’s stop with the lists insisting that generalised groups check their privilege. If you think you have a right to come out with something like that, it’s your own privilege you need to be checking.
…and with that, she checked her mouthy-internet-feminist-cum-egalitarian privilege, decided she was all good, and published her post.
Recently a lot of people I’m close to have either posted online about their experiences with depression, or have shared with me in person about their mental well-being, and I’ve been keen to join in because I think that campaigns like Time to Change are doing amazing things for relieving the stigma surrounding mental health and mental health issues.
I think it’s important to begin this with a clear admission. I do not suffer from clinical depression, or in fact any kind of depression. I am a “born worrier” and definitely have a lot of anxiety issues, but I’ve been dealing with them for long enough not to consider myself to have a diagnosable (it’s a word, I decided it) anxiety problem. I am a generally upbeat and positive person and that’s something I’m very glad of, and I hope that I am never unlucky enough to suffer with any kind of issue which changes that.
Now, having said that, I definitely have very cyclical moods and my temperament can switch very rapidly. I mentioned this a few times early on when I started my blog, calling them Sally-Moods. Which as I’m sure any longtime readers will remember I mostly solved by the inclusion of Jellybean, who has had a bit of a makeover, courtesy of me caring more about him.
Anyway, this isn’t exactly relevant, so moving on. All of the above makes me feel like I’m quite in touch with my own emotions, which I feel in turn has made me quite empathetic. However, I think that, like most people who aren’t personally physically affected by depression, I don’t really understand it, and it’s possible I never will. That being said, the recent outpouring of thought on the subject has helped me get a much firmer grasp on it all. The main thing I’ve gleaned from reading about experiences of my friends or people I look up to (see the wonderful Allie Brosh) is that depression is different for everyone, and there isn’t really any proper “understanding it”, sometimes even for the sufferer. There’s just moving through it in what is hopefully a positive way.
The fact that my friends were willing to write and talk about their experiences with depression helped me in another way. It helped me to learn to talk about these problems. I’ve never really been quiet (see the name of my entire website), and I’ve never particularly shied away from controversial or taboo subjects because I believe learning is the ultimate way to better yourself, and sometimes the best and only way to do that is to talk. But when you want to try and understand something so inherent about a person as their own feelings, it can be sticky territory, which I’ve previously struggled to approach.
Reading other people’s blogs and experiences helped show me that it’s acceptable to ask about how a person is feeling and have them actually explain, rather than just offering platitudes which in this case is often a bit meaningless. Reading posts from a certain friend in particular has helped me to better help her (I hope) by talking frankly, sharing articles and views, and being genuine rather than pointlessly soppy. It’s also helped me talk to Boyfriend about his feelings (BOYS HAVE FEELINGS. WHAT?! jokes, this is an obvious thing) which has definitely strengthened our relationship.
So, that is my post about depression. It is time to change our perceptions and it’s important to understand that mental health is something we all have, is exactly the same way that we all have physical health. Be ready to talk to people, and let people talk to you. Make an effort to engage with people, even if you don’t understand completely. Seriously guys. This stuff is important.
I love fairytales, ask anyone. As a child I was lucky enough to be fascinated by stories from all round the world thanks to a combination of my Mum’s travelling and her love of books. As cliched as it may seem, I’ve always hoped that one day a prince would come riding in, sweep me off my feet, and take me to live in an amazing castle, full of gnomes and fairies and “beasts of the forest” and such.
Unfortunately for me, life is no fairytale, and that has been particularly true of late. I’m very lucky, because I have a wonderful family, an amazing boyfriend, a nice house, a good job, the opportunity to pursue my academic interests at a great university, and on top of that a big circle of friends with whom I have a lot of fun joining in with all the opportunities I could hope for. But I think there are very few people who can honestly say that their life is a breeze, even if (like me), they have everything they need and want.
For reasons which aren’t really mine to discuss, the last few weeks have been hard, and the next few weeks and months could be even harder. Since life is not a fairytale there isn’t a magical cure, and it’s not going to be acceptable for me to just sleep it off (which is basically a great fairytale tradition of princesses). However, I’m very hopeful for the future, and I can see my own unique happy ending in sight, which is something I’ve very thankful for. To everyone who has helped me on my journey of late, thank you, and a thank you in advance to everyone who I know will help through anything to come.
” لا شيء يدوم ” – This too shall pass
This weekend has been a slow one on the blog because I’ve been away visiting my lovely parents, who have just moved house. This was the second foray back into train travel of recent weeks, and it wasn’t a much more pleasant experience than the last time. I worry that when I took the train frequently maybe I was as obnoxious as all the other passengers…because really, you have to be a certain level of something if you’re willing to broadcast to an entire train of people that you are cheating on your wife. Which is what one gentleman (*ahem*) was doing.
However, trains aside, it was a fantastic time. We went down to Cambridge and watched “The Taming of the Shrew” in Homerton College gardens, as part of the Cambridge Shakespeare Festival. It was a bit rainy, but it’s a nice way to spend time, and we caught up with some family friends as well. Then it was back to explore the new house (which is luuuurvly) before a good night’s sleep. Sunday was reserved for a BBQ down in London, where again we had a lovely time. The weather held, my cousins food was brilliant and it was great to see all the family.
Finally, on the Monday my other Auntie and Uncle came to see the house, before I made my way home (on ANOTHER HIDEOUS TRAIN RIDE…but I’m over it). A lovely weekend was had all round, though not much blogging was done, and too much delicious food was eaten, which my waistline won’t thank me for. I’ll hopefully get back into the swing of things quickly now…but I have to admit having had a little break I’m already craving another holiday. Ah well.
I am currently (and with great interest) watching the man trimming my front hedge. He’s doing a good job, except that as usual he’s trimmed it too short and now the world and his wife will stare into/throw things into my garden. However, there’s nothing I can do about it because he’d started before I realised, and anyway it’s up to the landlord.
What I’m meant to be doing is my degree work. That consists of analyzing some poems, and switching between Spanish, French and Portuguese metric schemes is headache inducing and I don’t want to do it. So here are the things I am doing to procrastinate today:
So that’s all going well. In fact, it’s keeping me quite busy, so I’d better get back to it all…
A late-night music inspired post. I dare you not to love this song.
Firstly, though I appreciate there are issues with some of the wording of the content (read: I don’t agree with shaming skinny either) it’s just got an absolutely lovely and laudable message.
Second, she’s such a dream to watch, she has so much charisma. It just makes me happy.
Third, the whole video, I mean please. Never can there be enough great pastel-themed videos in the world.
I am whole-heartedly about the bass. Goodnight all.
So I am currently watching the Channel 4 show “Child Genius”, which is a documentary following some of the children involved in Mensa’s “Child Genius of the Year” competition. I used to watch Child of Our Time with Professor Robert Winston, following a group of children born in the year 2000 to see how they progressed, and I thought this might be somewhat similar.
I wasn’t wrong, but if there is one thing I have learnt across the two episodes of “Child Genius” it is that while there are plenty of genius children about the place, there are equally as many awful parents out there.
Now, a quick disclaimer: I do not have kids, I don’t have may friends with kids, I don’t have nieces and nephews, I don’t have any kind of child psychology qualifications, or any other childcare qualifications.
Disclaimer out of the way, I’m sure that anyone watching the program will know I’m talking about one set of parents in particular: Shoshanna and Sasha, who’s child is Aliyah. Now, I know that they are both child psychologists or whatever, but there is a damn good reason most people don’t parent their children specifically to win competitions. The thing which distresses me about their parenting style, which for the uninitiated involves her revising at all hours of the day, having family meetings which include an agenda and minutes, and refusing to indulge in really any childhood enjoyment at all.
Now, lets take a step back. These are people who insist their parenting is the best way, yet Shoshanna happily comes out with such quotes as “I don’t think I could parent without neurolinguistic programming”. If you’re worrying about these things, frankly, it’s no wonder that your parenting sucks. Most parents don’t go in with any kind of expertise, and no matter how many times this ridiculous woman insists that most people make a poor job of parenting, the majority decidedly prove her wrong. It makes me sad to watch Aliyah because despite having parents who are psychologists, she’ll need therapy at some point to deal with the scars from their overly radical efforts to make her into a genius.
However, even the complete barmyness of Shoshanna and Sasha does not compare to the sheer terrible parenting of one of the fathers, who had two kids involved, Hazelle and 8-year old Tudor. Let me just say that again…8-year old. After the child buckled slightly in the competition (not even enough to forfeit his place) the father’s response was to openly and in front of the kids describe how disappointed he was, and how maybe he’d not raised the children he thought he had.
Programs like this are obviously designed to highlight different parenting styles, and to be somewhat controversial to boost ratings, but as I mentioned in my post about America’s Got Talent a few weeks ago, putting these kids on TV and exposing their parent’s flawed methods is unfair. I’m a huge fan of developing and celebrating gifted children, but please, World, this is not the way. Let’s stop now.