On Family Guy there’s a character called Meg, and her dad Peter is always saying “Shut Up Meg”. And generally I’m not a fan, because I don’t think the show is that funny, and I certainly don’t see the humour in repeatedly telling a fairly sensible teen girl to shut up.

But, sometimes I understand, because there come those days where you just want to tell everything about the world to shut up so you can get on with your life. The world is full of those little niggles and everyone now and then there’s a day when they all happen at once, and that’s today, and they just need to SHUT UP.

7.00am – I wake up. Despite the fact that sensible past-Sally set my alarm for 6.00am. Why would my morning brain suddenly decided it knows better than past-me, and repeatedly snooze my alarm. Because my morning-brain is terrible, that’s why.

7.30am – I walk to the gym, past all the medievalists who are currently in Leeds for the International Medieval Congress. Which, despite being a medievalist, I’ve not had anything to do with, because once again my supervisors have told me absolutely nothing about it.

8.30am – I get dressed for the day after going to the gym. I discover that past-Sally isn’t all that great, because she picks absolutely shocking outfits and now I’m dressed stupidly and I have to get to work.

9.00am – I get to work. Which to be fair, is mostly fine, so let’s skip ahead a few hours.

1.00pm – I’m about to go for lunch when suddenly we enter the world of Jumanji and a freak storm hits (presumably because some some snotty kid somewhere rolled a 3). Outside is now just not a place anyone wants to be.

3.00pm – I leave work, and walk home. There are no freak storms, and so for reasons unknown to me I choose to walk down the muddy, slippery verge opposite my house. Where I (inevitably) fall over. Apparently present-Sally is exactly as much of a pain as past-Sally.

3.05pm – I get in, change out of my mud-covered clothes, and cut THE MOST LABELS IN THE WORLD out of the back of my underwear because they are annoying. H&M, this is not what I am paying you for. At all.

3.30pm – I write this blog post, confident in the fact that either my laptop will spontaneously combust directly after I finish writing, or that WordPress will take its monthly random nose-dive.

In short, today can shut up and it’s not even 4pm yet.